i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i've created a new STD.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
