Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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