I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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