Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
