Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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