He is like the real live version of the state fair..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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