Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
