actually, I'm a sock model
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
