hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
