Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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