Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
