If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
