guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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