you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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