so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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