just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
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For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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