he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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