youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
