I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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