Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
