Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
