I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
