I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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