I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
