He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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