Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
