so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
