Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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