Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
