i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
