you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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