true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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