So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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