My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize