Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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