i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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