Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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