Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
