i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
