Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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