I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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