someone owes me an orgasm
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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