Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
