3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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