Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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