Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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