The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
