i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
