pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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