He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
