He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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