No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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