when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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