Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
