YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
