I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
