Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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