quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?