There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I did not marry a roomba.
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