So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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