so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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