I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
