The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize