he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize