Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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