no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
