Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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