You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
