Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
