I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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