i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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