All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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