Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
