Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said her name was "party"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
