im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize