I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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