I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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